Pre-Day 1

If there is one thing you can count on it’s that I will always be self-deprecating. I’d like to think that it will generally be humorous, but I can say without fear of disappointing that sometimes it will seem a little bleak and for that I only half apologize. These are my honest experiences and I don’t want to come across as fake. So here I go, launching into my first real post of the new blog. Please bear with me.

As planned, I signed up for the 90-day wellness program being offered by my gym and had to schedule an intake of sorts with Alicia.. There is a fitness test and blood test portion as well as a body composition assessment.Before it’s even scheduled I’m nervous. Not only have I not been weighed since the end of July when I wrapped up my last set of sessions, but I also have not exercised with any semblance  of regularity in ever since. Sure I’ve taken the odd class and done the occasional weight lifting. I even experimented with Work Out World for a few weeks when I’d get out of work. That doesn’t exactly give me confidence going into anything except maybe competitive eating.

Because of the blood test, I have to fast for 12 hours before-hand to get an accurate blood sugar reading and thankfully we get that out of the way first. Thanks to stupid New England weather my fingers are so cold that the first finger prick doesn’t bleed enough and we have to go with a different finger. Tallies one and two for blood sugar and cholesterol go in the average column. Next is blood pressure. My hope is that this is in the normal range because it was something that was identified as a potential risk when I got my physical way back in 2012.

Blood pressure is one of the things that I hate the most because that stupid cuff is so uncomfortable. I honestly prefer finger pricks and shots. At least when that happens I don’t feel like my hand may explode or I may loose my arm all together. Looks like the doctor’s concern is legitimate though. BP is high. Thankfully pulse is average, though just barely.

Then comes the moment I’ve been dreading because it’s what I always dread. Time to hop on the scale and let a simple three digit number ruin my mood and throw me into a horrible multi-day depression. Three hundred and sixty four pounds. 3-6-4. A gain of nine pounds. Nine pounds in seven months. Nine pounds of failure. Each pound representing how much I didn’t care.

Next comes the body composition portion, full of ultrasound jelly and extreme embarrassment over having to remove my shirt. But so be it. Off comes the shirt, on goes the jelly, bring on the shivers. Seven points to measure my percentages of body fat. Chest, bicep, tricep, upper and lower back, thigh and calf. All this added together makes up my BMI of 44.4, which, for those of you who are wondering, is considered Stage 3 Obesity. Congratulations to me.

Inch tracking measurements follow and all of these have stayed about the same. Thankfully my total body fat percentage has gone down. These little wins make the overall torture of being ‘assessed’ a little more bearable. The final portion is the fitness portion. We start as easy as can be with a stretch test, which (time to brag) I finish above average. I am wicked flexible. For the step test, I have to step up and down a single step to the beat of a metronome for three minutes, and then we measure my recovery heart rate. Below average. The next portion of the test is sit ups and we measure the number I complete in one minute. Thirty sit-ups puts me right at ‘below average’. The last portion, push ups, goes about the same. The max in a row I can complete is twelve, which is ‘poor’ for my age bracket.

I should mention that the push up and sit up portion of the fitness test is a lower intensity version. Push ups are done from the knees and sit ups are done with my hands on my thighs with the goal being simply to lift my shoulder blades off the ground. Despite what should be a leg up, I still perform below average or worse. I guess this can’t really be a surprise given what little I’ve done to improve myself over the past seven months.

All things considered I shouldn’t be upset because this is a starting point. I need to make sure these numbers are better in the next ninety days and look at behaviors that sabotage my progress. And then stop those behaviors. It seems like it should be easy, but I haven’t succeeded in the past so unless I suck at things that are easy or intentionally do the opposite of what I should, I’ll make it. We’ll see how it goes. And for the sake of tracking, here’s what will be my before photo.Please forgive the crazy eyes.

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Fat Person: Revisited

“Don’t fear the gear.” That’s what Ryann says from her stationary bike in the middle of the spin room. I’m halfway through a 7:30am spin class and the only other words I can comprehend are ‘death’, ‘water’, and a colossus hodgepodge of grunts and groans that probably sound similar to an elephant seal in labor. Or so I imagine. Call it motivation or a temporary loss of sanity, but last night at around 9:45pm I thought to myself, Hey, I think I should wake up at 6:30 and go to spin because I haven’t been to the gym since that one random time I went in the middle of November. So for better or worse I woke up, made sure my hair didn’t look ridiculous, and dragged my sorry lazy butt to the gym.

Some brief updates, or new bits of information if I have magically attracted new readers: I pretty much haven’t been to the gym since July-ish of last year. I missed the one year anniversary of both joining the gym and starting my blog. My schedule got hectic and busy and, truth be told, I hit a plateau that I never really got over. I was and continue to be disappointed that I wasn’t as successful as I was convinced I was going to be. Am I disappointed that I lost over fifty pounds? Absolutely not. I am, however upset that it wasn’t more. I’m upset that other things didn’t change in my life like that I still have a double chin and breasts and that I still gorge on an entire pizza in one sitting. In fact, as I type this I’m eating Taco Bell and it’s not even a meal time. My nephew turned one, I got three new piercings (you’ll see them), my life has simply continued. 

Which brings us to now. Me on a stationary bike at an awful morning hour doing some exercise. I understand what Ryann means by “don’t fear the gear”. We’re doing hills and we have to shift in order to simulate biking up hills and we shouldn’t be scared of the extra work we have to put in to accomplish the goal. Weird that that analogy works with life as well, isn’t it? Amazing how it all comes together! In essence, I am declaring to all on the world wide interweb that I am once again beginning this quest that I started in September of 2012 and not fearing the gear. There will be pictures and updates and musings and laughs and struggles and successes and failures, but most importantly, I will be bettering myself. On the way out of the gym after spin class, I talk with a Lauren about a 90-day program that the gym is doing. It’s 90 days of training and teaching about changing your lifestyle starting with the basics and I think it’s going to be perfect for me. It’s a 90-day program that has once-a-week meetings to inform and educate about fitness and nutrition and we end with a different exercise every week.

I haven’t yet decided about how often posts will happen, but they will happen with regularity, don’t worry about that. You can subscribe to receive email updates when I do make a new post and that will take all the work out of it for you. Feel free to comment and share if you’d like, but you can do as you please. I know I will.